actually, I'm a sock model
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
