So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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