Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's just like the Real World with babies
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
