I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
