Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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