i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
