we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
