it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
