would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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