she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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