I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
