She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
