Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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