What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
