is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
