no, he came in my armpit
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
