Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
