I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
