Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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