As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
