I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
