That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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