honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
