I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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