Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
