So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
