no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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