If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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