i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
