Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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