And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
