I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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