Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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