i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
