SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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