Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
