Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
