I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
