he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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