Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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