Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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