i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
