pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
