she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
