I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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