Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
