All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
