I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
