I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm passing your future prison.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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