Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
