I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
