C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
