I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
