Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
