.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
