ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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