Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
