Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
