I think my fart just growled at me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
