I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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