Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My balls are so social today.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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