i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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