Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
