Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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