I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she peed on how many people?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
