I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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