I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
