The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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