Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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