i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
